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Dođi mi u Srebrenicu…

MOJIH 25 GODINA SJEĆANJA

Uvijek kada u vlastitoj nemoći sebi kažem da pod moju kožu, u moju dušu više ne može stati nijedna ispovijest majki koje su ukopale svoju djecu i onih koje za njihovim kostima još tragaju, uvijek se sjetim obaveze Điđinog poziva

Kako si, Điđo? Evo me u Sarajevu pa htjela da ti dođem. K'o da mi zvučiš bolje – sokolim u telefonskom razgovoru Hatidžu Mehmedović možda dvadesetak dana prije njene smrti. Na Koševu je, u bolnici, znam da ju je bolest prilično ophrvala, ali drži se. Fadila Memišević će sa mnom, pa će mi biti nekako lakše otići joj, hrabrim sama sebe.

  • Dobro sam, moja Almasa, hvala ti koja se interesuješ, sve mi bude drago kad me zovneš. Nemoj dolaziti, živa bila, vrućina je, ja ću za 11. juli kući, pa mi dođi u Srebrenicu- glas joj zadrhta, kašalj je zaguši, telefonska linija ostade otvorena…

I ne odoh.

Otrgnuti iz majčinih ruku


Tog 11. jula Điđa je posljednji put bila u Srebrenici. U Potočare nije mogla doći. Pozlilo joj je. Nakon 11 dana zauvijek je napustila ovaj svijet. Ja sam išla i još idem u Srebrenicu. Moram.

Uvijek kada pomislim da sam o genocidu u Srebrenici do sada dovoljno govorila, da sam ispisala i ispričala sve što neko ko 25 godina svjedoči posljedicama genocida može i zna, da, kada u vlastitoj nemoći sebi kažem da pod moju kožu, u moju dušu više ne može stati nijedna ispovijest majki koje su ukopale svoju djecu i onih koje za njihovim kostima još tragaju, uvijek se sjetim obaveze Điđinog poziva: „Dođi mi u Srebrenicu.“

Taman kad sebi kažem da u meni nema više mjesta za suze majki isplakane u noćima prisjećanja uplašenih lica njihovih dvanaestogodišnjaka dok ih zločinci u Potočarima otimaju iz njihovih ruku, da nema mjesta više ni za jednu sliku iskomadanih tijela njihovih sinova, braće, muževa, zaoranih po podinjskim grobnicama, uhvatim sebe s pitanjem je li to nakon 25 godina života s tragedijom Srebrenice zaista moguće. Nije!

Zato ću i danas otići u Srebrenicu. U Potočare. Bila sam i jučer, i prije mjesec i, Bog zna koliko puta u ovih 25 godina. Znam, susrest ću opet majke koje su mi, plačući, pričale o svojoj prijeratnoj porodičnoj sreći i poslijeratnoj dubokoj nesreći, susrest ću i one kojima su „oči od plača zasušile“, a glas im skoro zanijemio, vidjet ću opet iskopnjela lica starica što šutnjom pitaju ko će ih, kada krenu s ovog svijeta, u mezar spustiti, jer sinova, unuka, braće, rođaka nemaju…

U glavi će mi se ponovo zbrajati imena pobijene srebreničke djece, njihova godišta, završeni razredi škole dok se s njihovim majkama, kao sa sestrama, grlim. Opet ćemo pričati o „teškim boljama“ koje ih svih ovih godina pritišću, a lijeka nema.

A, kako li je danas Rufejdi Buhić? Godinama ne može u Potočare. A htjela bi. Oslijepila je. Ubijeni joj muž i sin, rodbina pomrla. Živi negdje u Sarajevu, rođaci iz Amerike, čujem, zamolili neku ženu da brine o njoj. Kako li je Sabaha? I sad mi pred očima njena slika s jedne grobnice, gdje među iskomadanim tijelima pokušava dohvatiti komad odjeće, misleći da možda pripada njenom Rijadu.


Ne znam hoću li danas sresti Ajku Husić. Oporavila se nakon moždanog udara. To je ona majka koja, kada joj u danu golub sleti na prozor i „triput kljunom kucne u staklo“, kaže, zna da će tu noć usniti sinove, posebno onog mlađeg, i sita se s njima ispričati.

A tek kad pomislim na Nuru Alispahić, koja ubici svog Azmira na suđenju u Beogradu kaže: „Kako si samo mogao?“ Jedan joj poginuo na Kapiji u Tuzli, jednog ubili „škorpioni“, kćerka joj umrla nakon rata… I ona je sama, treba tuđu pomoć.

Sjećamo se i pamtimo


Znam da će me u Potočarima dočekati Fazila Efendić, koja pri susretu, osmijehom, redovno pokušava sakriti tugu za svojim jedincem Fejzom. Pa tek Nura i Refija iz Sućeske, pa Saliha iz Dobraka… Bit će danas u Srebrenici, sigurno, i Munira, čijeg su sina, također, oteli u Potočarima, pa Kada, koja neke godine na stratištu u Petkovcima kupi čahure automata, glasno se pitajući da li je neka od njih u srce pogodila njenog sina.

A tek Ramiza Ajšić, Bahra Hasanović, Hajrija Selimović, Hamida Muhić i stotine drugih koje sam u ovih 25 godina redovno sretala u Srebrenici.
I dok se spremam za Srebrenicu, razmišljam s koliko tuge su na onaj svijet otišle Rabija Dautbašić, majka čuvenih srebreničkih blizanaca radioamatera, Džemila Delalić, starica Šida Mehanović, Hasiba Huremović, ili Munib Muminović Brko, kojem su ubili četiri sina i koji me, godinu prije nego što je digao ruku na sebe, dok neoprezo u razgovoru s njim pričam o tugama majki, prekori riječima: „A šta je otac, zar oca ne boli kao majku?“ Neka ti je rahmet, Brko, znam koliko te je boljelo.

Punih je 25 godina od izvršenog genocida nad Bošnjacima Srebrenice. Idemo u Srebrenicu. Sjećamo se i pamtimo. Ne može drugačije.

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